caffienekitty (
caffienekitty) wrote2022-08-28 01:38 pm
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Saiki K Fanficlet: Tales from the Quantum Breakroom (PG)
Title: Tales from the Quantum Breakroom
Fandom:The Disasterous Life of Saiki K (anime)
Alternate Postings: AO3
Rating/Content: PG, Contains details/spoilers from "The Disastrous Life of Saiki K." up to S2 Ep 3, random nonsense
Word Count: 1199
Disclaimer: Not my world.
Notes: Written for the Semblance of Sanity 2022 Faction Fanfic event, submitted for the Dark Reunion Faction. My first (sort-of) Saiki K ficlet, putting a teeeeensy dent in a multi-year writer's block.
Summary:The shadowy minions of Dark Reunion gripe about their persistent pink-haired Problem.
-.-.-
Tales from the Quantum Breakroom
-.-.-
"
"Pink-haired bastard," the Dark Reunion Agent growled, punching buttons for a black coffee and taking vicarious consolation from the thunk-clunk of the falling can.
Other sectors can't have these problems. Maybe I can transfer. To Siberia. Retrieving the coffee from the vending machine, they sank into a polypropylene chair as though it was quicksand.
The breakroom door queeped , paused three seconds for temporo-nucleonic recalibration, then allowed Agent G8 to loom in. (Despite the mandatory full-identity-concealment cloaks, it wasn't difficult for Agents to differentiate amongst themselves. Most Agents had a 'tell'; G8 loomed everywhere.)
G8 nodded. "T1."
Agent T1 grunted amicably, cracking open their black coffee.
“I do not know how you drink that crap.” The vending machine clunk-whunked again.
“It’s as dark and bitter as our nefarious machinations, bwahahaha, etcetera.” T1 sipped with an unseen grimace. “Shorter answer: lactose intolerant.”
G8 snorted, loomed into a seat at the table, and snapped their green tea's seal. "I doubt anything in those cans has been within five meters of a cow."
T1 shrugged. "Not worth the risk. Also not worth the risk of pondering how these machines get filled with brand-name products here in the-" they waved their hand vaguely "-Tactical Refuge, or whatever they're calling this now."
"Quantum Breakroom, lately." G8 picked at the tea label's seam. “Sooo... How’d that psychic thing work out? Seemed like a breeze.”
T1 thunked their can down. “Another goddamn Pink Hair case.”
“What? No.”
“Yep. It was all fine at first. 'Clairvoyance'-san fleeced the ‘Jet-Black Wings’ kid out of 30,000 yen and otherwise dismissed Dark Reunion's existence entirely." T1 sighed. "I figured 'job well done'. Was about to clear it with Central, but then NOPE! In comes Pink Hair!"
G8 groaned in commiseration. "How bad?"
"Bad. I don't know what he did exactly but he terrified that psychic. She accosted 'Jet', returned his money, apologized for disbelieving, and took off out-of-region."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Abandoned her shop and everything. Last I heard she was somewhere in Micronesia. Now she's being monitored to ensure she doesn’t convince anyone else we’re real.”
“Dammit!" G8 smacked the table. "Belief contagion sucks!”
T1 sighed eloquently.
As they sat commiserating, the door queeped, recalibrated, and emitted a third black-cloaked and hooded figure with a whiff of artificial strawberry and dying batteries.
"Hey B9."
“Hey gang.” Cloak-hem dragging on the floor, B9 gazed dolefully at the vending machine as though wishing it would dispense consoling head-pats.
“Oh no," said G8. "Not another one?”
“Yep." B9 sat, pulling their habitual pack of strawberry Pocky from their cloak. "That pink-haired asshole.”
"What now?"
"I was assigned the 'Jade Eyes' kid, the one that was 'leading a group to destroy Dark Reunion'?"
G8 and T1 both nodded vaguely. The flow of time was a little turbulent for Dark Reunion missions.
"Yeah, him. Turns out he was just faking so 'Jet' would do his homework and give him money and stuff. But then Pink Hair arrives and goes feral or something, scares the kid stupid. And get this. Puts our logo on the meeting room wall."
"Oh. Shit."
"Oh shit indeed." B9 munched aggressively. "Now 'Jet's belief is iron-clad and another kid's convinced we're real, though he's keeping quiet so far."
G8 hummed pensively. "Quiet ones are worse though. They internalize, subconsciously gather evidence, and fester until they approach 20 then, well. Erupt. Like that Okabe Rintarou guy."
T1 tilted their head, confused. "What Okabe Rintarou guy?"
"Uh," G8 said quickly, "Sorry, that was, um. Elsewhere."
"Ah." It was never safe to ask about 'elsewhere' missions.
"Anyway.... When a few 'delusional' teenagers reveal our existence, the general population is encouraged to dismiss us. Easier to operate when people think you're a chunibyo fantasy." G8 tipped their tea bottle, contents swirling. "'Jet' should be just another handy diversion, like the 'Raiden' kid before him. But nooooo. This kid's even demonstrated actual power, in front of his whole class. Somehow."
"Pink Hair?"
"Pink Hair."
A moment of shared surly musing subsumed the table.
"That's... hm." G8 shredded their beleaguered tea label, pondering. "...Pink Hair. D'you think he might be... one of us?"
"Pft," spluttered B9.
"No way," T1 stated. "If he was, he'd be hiding our existence, not corroborating it."
"No, no, I know, but I don't mean 'one of us' like-" G8 gestured at their fellow black-cloaked figures, "-one of us, but.... One of 'Them' one of us."
T1 blinked at their coffee can. B9's Pocky stalled halfway to their shadowed mouth. Silence stretched like coffee jelly falling into a black hole.
Finally B9 emitted an awkward laugh. "Who knows? Hell, for all I know, I might be one of 'Them'."
Subtly, T1 and G8 shifted away from B9.
"So!" said G8. "T1. What do you think?"
T1 scoffed. "Don't ask me. I am clearly a side-character."
"Well, you're more of a thinky sort than anyone else here-"
"Hey!" said B9, affronted.
"I mean, no offense B9, but after the Murder-Dragoram Snake incident-"
T1 snorted.
"That was one time! Will you drop it already?"
"Nope."
"Hell no." T1 grinned around their coffee can.
"Anyway." B9 threw their empty Pocky pack out, pulling a new pack from their cloak. "Pink Hair is nothing but a menace. If 'They' authorized his actions, why would anyone still be assigned to this sector?"
"Maybe we're here so Pink Hair succeeds without seeming unopposed." T1 mused glumly. "We might just be here to get thwarted for verisimilitude."
"For what now?"
"Believability. In the form of obvious incompetence and failure."
"Hey!" interjected B9. "We don't fail constantly, just when Pink Hair shows up!"
"Yeah," said G8.
"Hunh," grunted T1.
"Regardless," added G8, "thanks to Pink Hair, at least two additional people believe we exist, including an adult."
"Even aside from this 'Jet' kid exceeding the one-to-one subsistence contagion level, believer adults are a nightmare." T1 stared into their near-empty can. "Pink Hair is a genuine problem."
B9 growled. "I just cannot believe that Dark Reunion's machinations are at risk because of one high school kid with weird-coloured hair! I mean-" they gesticulated with their Pocky. “What is this, a fucking anime?!"
G8 cleared their throat. T1 drained their coffee. Both agents assiduously did not look toward the fourth wall.
"...What?"
Just then their comms twurbled.
"Oh great. What's 'Jet' done now?"
G8 peered at their comm. "Probably nothing. It's a hotel disappearance in Okinawa. We just need to make sure no one believes it's the work of a shadowy conspiracy bent on world domination."
"Is it though?" asked B9, stowing their Pocky.
Looming to their feet, G8 tossed their bottle and the coffee can into recycling. "You know as much as I do."
T1 grinned under their all-concealing cloak. "It might be the work of a shadowy conspiracy bent on world domination, but it's probably not our shadowy conspiracy bent on world domination."
"Ooo, rivals?" B9 bounced out of their chair. "Rivals would be cool!"
"Finally something where Pink Hair isn't involved," said G8, pushing the door button with a queep.
During the usual three-second pause for temporo-nucleonic recalibration, the Dark Reunion Agents shared an ultimately hopeless laugh.
"...Let's just get this over with."
The door opened. They stepped through.
-
(That's all.)
[End Notes: Faction Challenge Prompts used - "I am clearly a side-character." and “What is this, a fucking anime?!"]
Fandom:The Disasterous Life of Saiki K (anime)
Alternate Postings: AO3
Rating/Content: PG, Contains details/spoilers from "The Disastrous Life of Saiki K." up to S2 Ep 3, random nonsense
Word Count: 1199
Disclaimer: Not my world.
Notes: Written for the Semblance of Sanity 2022 Faction Fanfic event, submitted for the Dark Reunion Faction. My first (sort-of) Saiki K ficlet, putting a teeeeensy dent in a multi-year writer's block.
Summary:The shadowy minions of Dark Reunion gripe about their persistent pink-haired Problem.
Tales from the Quantum Breakroom
-.-.-
"
"Pink-haired bastard," the Dark Reunion Agent growled, punching buttons for a black coffee and taking vicarious consolation from the thunk-clunk of the falling can.
Other sectors can't have these problems. Maybe I can transfer. To Siberia. Retrieving the coffee from the vending machine, they sank into a polypropylene chair as though it was quicksand.
The breakroom door queeped , paused three seconds for temporo-nucleonic recalibration, then allowed Agent G8 to loom in. (Despite the mandatory full-identity-concealment cloaks, it wasn't difficult for Agents to differentiate amongst themselves. Most Agents had a 'tell'; G8 loomed everywhere.)
G8 nodded. "T1."
Agent T1 grunted amicably, cracking open their black coffee.
“I do not know how you drink that crap.” The vending machine clunk-whunked again.
“It’s as dark and bitter as our nefarious machinations, bwahahaha, etcetera.” T1 sipped with an unseen grimace. “Shorter answer: lactose intolerant.”
G8 snorted, loomed into a seat at the table, and snapped their green tea's seal. "I doubt anything in those cans has been within five meters of a cow."
T1 shrugged. "Not worth the risk. Also not worth the risk of pondering how these machines get filled with brand-name products here in the-" they waved their hand vaguely "-Tactical Refuge, or whatever they're calling this now."
"Quantum Breakroom, lately." G8 picked at the tea label's seam. “Sooo... How’d that psychic thing work out? Seemed like a breeze.”
T1 thunked their can down. “Another goddamn Pink Hair case.”
“What? No.”
“Yep. It was all fine at first. 'Clairvoyance'-san fleeced the ‘Jet-Black Wings’ kid out of 30,000 yen and otherwise dismissed Dark Reunion's existence entirely." T1 sighed. "I figured 'job well done'. Was about to clear it with Central, but then NOPE! In comes Pink Hair!"
G8 groaned in commiseration. "How bad?"
"Bad. I don't know what he did exactly but he terrified that psychic. She accosted 'Jet', returned his money, apologized for disbelieving, and took off out-of-region."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Abandoned her shop and everything. Last I heard she was somewhere in Micronesia. Now she's being monitored to ensure she doesn’t convince anyone else we’re real.”
“Dammit!" G8 smacked the table. "Belief contagion sucks!”
T1 sighed eloquently.
As they sat commiserating, the door queeped, recalibrated, and emitted a third black-cloaked and hooded figure with a whiff of artificial strawberry and dying batteries.
"Hey B9."
“Hey gang.” Cloak-hem dragging on the floor, B9 gazed dolefully at the vending machine as though wishing it would dispense consoling head-pats.
“Oh no," said G8. "Not another one?”
“Yep." B9 sat, pulling their habitual pack of strawberry Pocky from their cloak. "That pink-haired asshole.”
"What now?"
"I was assigned the 'Jade Eyes' kid, the one that was 'leading a group to destroy Dark Reunion'?"
G8 and T1 both nodded vaguely. The flow of time was a little turbulent for Dark Reunion missions.
"Yeah, him. Turns out he was just faking so 'Jet' would do his homework and give him money and stuff. But then Pink Hair arrives and goes feral or something, scares the kid stupid. And get this. Puts our logo on the meeting room wall."
"Oh. Shit."
"Oh shit indeed." B9 munched aggressively. "Now 'Jet's belief is iron-clad and another kid's convinced we're real, though he's keeping quiet so far."
G8 hummed pensively. "Quiet ones are worse though. They internalize, subconsciously gather evidence, and fester until they approach 20 then, well. Erupt. Like that Okabe Rintarou guy."
T1 tilted their head, confused. "What Okabe Rintarou guy?"
"Uh," G8 said quickly, "Sorry, that was, um. Elsewhere."
"Ah." It was never safe to ask about 'elsewhere' missions.
"Anyway.... When a few 'delusional' teenagers reveal our existence, the general population is encouraged to dismiss us. Easier to operate when people think you're a chunibyo fantasy." G8 tipped their tea bottle, contents swirling. "'Jet' should be just another handy diversion, like the 'Raiden' kid before him. But nooooo. This kid's even demonstrated actual power, in front of his whole class. Somehow."
"Pink Hair?"
"Pink Hair."
A moment of shared surly musing subsumed the table.
"That's... hm." G8 shredded their beleaguered tea label, pondering. "...Pink Hair. D'you think he might be... one of us?"
"Pft," spluttered B9.
"No way," T1 stated. "If he was, he'd be hiding our existence, not corroborating it."
"No, no, I know, but I don't mean 'one of us' like-" G8 gestured at their fellow black-cloaked figures, "-one of us, but.... One of 'Them' one of us."
T1 blinked at their coffee can. B9's Pocky stalled halfway to their shadowed mouth. Silence stretched like coffee jelly falling into a black hole.
Finally B9 emitted an awkward laugh. "Who knows? Hell, for all I know, I might be one of 'Them'."
Subtly, T1 and G8 shifted away from B9.
"So!" said G8. "T1. What do you think?"
T1 scoffed. "Don't ask me. I am clearly a side-character."
"Well, you're more of a thinky sort than anyone else here-"
"Hey!" said B9, affronted.
"I mean, no offense B9, but after the Murder-Dragoram Snake incident-"
T1 snorted.
"That was one time! Will you drop it already?"
"Nope."
"Hell no." T1 grinned around their coffee can.
"Anyway." B9 threw their empty Pocky pack out, pulling a new pack from their cloak. "Pink Hair is nothing but a menace. If 'They' authorized his actions, why would anyone still be assigned to this sector?"
"Maybe we're here so Pink Hair succeeds without seeming unopposed." T1 mused glumly. "We might just be here to get thwarted for verisimilitude."
"For what now?"
"Believability. In the form of obvious incompetence and failure."
"Hey!" interjected B9. "We don't fail constantly, just when Pink Hair shows up!"
"Yeah," said G8.
"Hunh," grunted T1.
"Regardless," added G8, "thanks to Pink Hair, at least two additional people believe we exist, including an adult."
"Even aside from this 'Jet' kid exceeding the one-to-one subsistence contagion level, believer adults are a nightmare." T1 stared into their near-empty can. "Pink Hair is a genuine problem."
B9 growled. "I just cannot believe that Dark Reunion's machinations are at risk because of one high school kid with weird-coloured hair! I mean-" they gesticulated with their Pocky. “What is this, a fucking anime?!"
G8 cleared their throat. T1 drained their coffee. Both agents assiduously did not look toward the fourth wall.
"...What?"
Just then their comms twurbled.
"Oh great. What's 'Jet' done now?"
G8 peered at their comm. "Probably nothing. It's a hotel disappearance in Okinawa. We just need to make sure no one believes it's the work of a shadowy conspiracy bent on world domination."
"Is it though?" asked B9, stowing their Pocky.
Looming to their feet, G8 tossed their bottle and the coffee can into recycling. "You know as much as I do."
T1 grinned under their all-concealing cloak. "It might be the work of a shadowy conspiracy bent on world domination, but it's probably not our shadowy conspiracy bent on world domination."
"Ooo, rivals?" B9 bounced out of their chair. "Rivals would be cool!"
"Finally something where Pink Hair isn't involved," said G8, pushing the door button with a queep.
During the usual three-second pause for temporo-nucleonic recalibration, the Dark Reunion Agents shared an ultimately hopeless laugh.
"...Let's just get this over with."
The door opened. They stepped through.
-
(That's all.)
[End Notes: Faction Challenge Prompts used - "I am clearly a side-character." and “What is this, a fucking anime?!"]