caffienekitty (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
caffienekitty) wrote2006-10-15 10:23 pm
caffienekitty) wrote2006-10-15 10:23 pm
SPN Ficlet: The Toaster Incident
Title: The Toaster Incident
Characters: John, Sam, Dean
Classification: kidfic, pastfic, ficlet
Rating: General? K+?
Warnings: None
Word Count: 616 words
Disclaimer: I own nothing Supernatural. I used to own this exact toaster.
Summary: "The man can barely work a toaster." John Winchester vs appliance.
Translation Available - Russian. Linked at bottom of Fanfic Index Page
Originally posted May 23, 2006 at fanfiction.net
What the hell kind of toaster doesn't have a button you push down? It sat on Pastor Jim's counter, glinting malevolently. Two slices of stubbornly untoasted bread stuck up from the top. John had turned the thing around three times, looking for a button to make it accept the bread. "Automatic toaster," read the engraved letters on the top, "Drop bread in slot to activate." John picked up the bread from one slot and dropped it in again. There was a faint twangy noise, but the toaster refused to do a damn thing. He picked up and dropped the other slice. Nothing.
This was pointless. Why in hell did bread have to get toasted? Bread was cooked already. Throw a slice of baloney or whatever on it, fold it in half and eat it. No one ever got sick from eating raw toast. But Pastor Jim had been feeding the boys toast and jam in the mornings while their father had been busy elsewhere. It being Sunday, Pastor Jim was the one busy elsewhere and John would be damned if he would be defeated by a mere kitchen appliance.
If it was a weapon, he'd have had it figured out in five minutes, tops. John pondered the idea. Would approaching the toaster as though it was a weapon help? Maybe the bread was the wrong calibre. Maybe the toaster had a switch to take it off full auto. John picked up the toaster, looked at the bottom. No switches of any kind, except the crumb tray release. Not going there again.
He put the toaster back down on the counter, checked that the damn thing was plugged in for the twentieth time, pushed down on the bread directly. It sprang back, distinctly bent, and no more toasty than before. Muttering a few words he was certain were rarely heard in the preacher's house, John bounced the bread up and down in the slot a couple times. Sproingy noises. Pushed the temperature control all the way up, replacing the relatively mangled slice of bread with a fresh one, dropping it in the empty slot next to its fellow bread slice as directed. Nope.
As he glared at the shiny metal toaster, he saw a small movement in the background of the reflection. He turned around to see 8-year-old Sammy standing in the kitchen doorway in his pajamas. The little grin on his face told John that he hadn't just arrived. Dean skidded up to the doorway in his PJ's and sock feet.
"Morning boys," John rumbled.
"Morning," giggled Sammy.
"Morning," said Dean, "Um... You making breakfast Dad?"
He was slightly pained by Dean's tone, which implied John making breakfast was a close kin to John dancing the lead in Swan Lake, but it was only natural, really. When they weren't couch-surfing at someplace like Pastor Jim's or Caleb's, Dean usually handled food prep. At that thought, John told himself it wasn't a defeat, it was a tactical maneuver to let the more experienced reinforcements take over the field.
"No time, sorry boys. You'll have to fend for yourselves." He grabbed his coat from the hook by the door. "Pastor Jim should be back from services by noon, I'll be back by two. Don't give him any crap or you know I'll hear about it."
"Yessir," the boys chorused, Sammy with a lingering giggle, Dean with almost entirely suppressed relief.
While John tied on his boots in the mud-room, he watched the boys. Dean rummaged in the Pastor's pantry for jam, Sammy pulled up a kitchen chair, retrieved both slices of bread from the toaster, dropped one in one slot with a click, then dropped the other one in, and smirked as the bread crept down into the toaster.
- - -
(end)
--
Notes on "The Toaster Incident"
Many people have asked about the automatic toaster in this piece. This is based on one I owned in the early 90's (manufacturer's name withheld so I don't get sued). There was no button to push down, it was supposed to start up when you put bread in it. A switch inside one slot would trigger if a piece of bread was dropped on it. The thing is, if there was bread in the other slot at the same time, it weighted the innards of the toaster such that the switch wouldn't work. I don't know why, something to do with circuits and gaps, probably.
The way to get it to work was to drop (from a height of a few inches) a piece of bread in the correct side while the other side was unloaded, then once the switch had clicked, drop in the other piece. The bread would creep slowly down, then creep back up. It was... creepy. I think the concept was to have a toaster that didn't disturb late riser's sleep with a 'ka-chunk' noise. Personally, I'd have preferred an occasional 'ka-chunk' to the violent cursing my then-roommate inflicted daily on the poor beast. It actually wasn't really that uncooperative if the user a) had read the manual, b) knew which slot was correct, c) was capable of spatial reasoning before coffee and d) had the patience of a minor saint.
The toaster is sadly no longer in existence, and while I don't have any hard evidence, I suspect its demise involved my then-roommate, some cement stairs and a 10 pound splitting maul...
Addendum: Someone out there nominated "Toaster Incident" for a 2006 Lawrence Award under "Best Comedy"; but it was eliminated in the run-off voting. It's still really flattering that someone nominated it, though. Thanks whoever you are!
Characters: John, Sam, Dean
Classification: kidfic, pastfic, ficlet
Rating: General? K+?
Warnings: None
Word Count: 616 words
Disclaimer: I own nothing Supernatural. I used to own this exact toaster.
Summary: "The man can barely work a toaster." John Winchester vs appliance.
Translation Available - Russian. Linked at bottom of Fanfic Index Page
Originally posted May 23, 2006 at fanfiction.net
The Toaster Incident
by CaffieneKitty
- - -
What the hell kind of toaster doesn't have a button you push down? It sat on Pastor Jim's counter, glinting malevolently. Two slices of stubbornly untoasted bread stuck up from the top. John had turned the thing around three times, looking for a button to make it accept the bread. "Automatic toaster," read the engraved letters on the top, "Drop bread in slot to activate." John picked up the bread from one slot and dropped it in again. There was a faint twangy noise, but the toaster refused to do a damn thing. He picked up and dropped the other slice. Nothing.
This was pointless. Why in hell did bread have to get toasted? Bread was cooked already. Throw a slice of baloney or whatever on it, fold it in half and eat it. No one ever got sick from eating raw toast. But Pastor Jim had been feeding the boys toast and jam in the mornings while their father had been busy elsewhere. It being Sunday, Pastor Jim was the one busy elsewhere and John would be damned if he would be defeated by a mere kitchen appliance.
If it was a weapon, he'd have had it figured out in five minutes, tops. John pondered the idea. Would approaching the toaster as though it was a weapon help? Maybe the bread was the wrong calibre. Maybe the toaster had a switch to take it off full auto. John picked up the toaster, looked at the bottom. No switches of any kind, except the crumb tray release. Not going there again.
He put the toaster back down on the counter, checked that the damn thing was plugged in for the twentieth time, pushed down on the bread directly. It sprang back, distinctly bent, and no more toasty than before. Muttering a few words he was certain were rarely heard in the preacher's house, John bounced the bread up and down in the slot a couple times. Sproingy noises. Pushed the temperature control all the way up, replacing the relatively mangled slice of bread with a fresh one, dropping it in the empty slot next to its fellow bread slice as directed. Nope.
As he glared at the shiny metal toaster, he saw a small movement in the background of the reflection. He turned around to see 8-year-old Sammy standing in the kitchen doorway in his pajamas. The little grin on his face told John that he hadn't just arrived. Dean skidded up to the doorway in his PJ's and sock feet.
"Morning boys," John rumbled.
"Morning," giggled Sammy.
"Morning," said Dean, "Um... You making breakfast Dad?"
He was slightly pained by Dean's tone, which implied John making breakfast was a close kin to John dancing the lead in Swan Lake, but it was only natural, really. When they weren't couch-surfing at someplace like Pastor Jim's or Caleb's, Dean usually handled food prep. At that thought, John told himself it wasn't a defeat, it was a tactical maneuver to let the more experienced reinforcements take over the field.
"No time, sorry boys. You'll have to fend for yourselves." He grabbed his coat from the hook by the door. "Pastor Jim should be back from services by noon, I'll be back by two. Don't give him any crap or you know I'll hear about it."
"Yessir," the boys chorused, Sammy with a lingering giggle, Dean with almost entirely suppressed relief.
While John tied on his boots in the mud-room, he watched the boys. Dean rummaged in the Pastor's pantry for jam, Sammy pulled up a kitchen chair, retrieved both slices of bread from the toaster, dropped one in one slot with a click, then dropped the other one in, and smirked as the bread crept down into the toaster.
- - -
(end)
--
Notes on "The Toaster Incident"
Many people have asked about the automatic toaster in this piece. This is based on one I owned in the early 90's (manufacturer's name withheld so I don't get sued). There was no button to push down, it was supposed to start up when you put bread in it. A switch inside one slot would trigger if a piece of bread was dropped on it. The thing is, if there was bread in the other slot at the same time, it weighted the innards of the toaster such that the switch wouldn't work. I don't know why, something to do with circuits and gaps, probably.
The way to get it to work was to drop (from a height of a few inches) a piece of bread in the correct side while the other side was unloaded, then once the switch had clicked, drop in the other piece. The bread would creep slowly down, then creep back up. It was... creepy. I think the concept was to have a toaster that didn't disturb late riser's sleep with a 'ka-chunk' noise. Personally, I'd have preferred an occasional 'ka-chunk' to the violent cursing my then-roommate inflicted daily on the poor beast. It actually wasn't really that uncooperative if the user a) had read the manual, b) knew which slot was correct, c) was capable of spatial reasoning before coffee and d) had the patience of a minor saint.
The toaster is sadly no longer in existence, and while I don't have any hard evidence, I suspect its demise involved my then-roommate, some cement stairs and a 10 pound splitting maul...
Addendum: Someone out there nominated "Toaster Incident" for a 2006 Lawrence Award under "Best Comedy"; but it was eliminated in the run-off voting. It's still really flattering that someone nominated it, though. Thanks whoever you are!
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So, as soon as my brain stops exploding and I have a chance to watch the episode again, there may indeed be meta. Depends if it turns out to be anything salient after the bits settle, 'coz right now I'm still a little blinded by squee :-)
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I look forward to hearing what you think. Of course, I may not see it if it goes into the general TwoP episode post: things fly so fast and furious in there, I find it pretty overwhelming. (Too bad, though - there's so much neat stuff in there, but I swear it would be a 60-hour-a-week job just to keep up with it all. I don't know how Demian does it. I just posted for the first time there after lurking for years about something that really distressed me in the latest episode. Here if you're curious.) I'm enjoying the less frenetic
Sorry, I shouldn't lob questions at you - you need to get to work. *offers you a coffee as you head out the door* Here, it's Tim Horton's coffee. It's my favourite. I swear they put crack in it or something.
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I mean first season, it took Sam a long time to get mentally from where he was in Wendigo, just after losing Jess, to where he was in Hell House or Provenance, where he's joking around with Dean and kissing Sarah. This time around, he's had a different kind of stress applied to him which is about who or what he is or thinks he is himself, and in some ways he's got to be re-evaluating his identity and probably will be for some time yet. Eventually, I think he'll come to the realization that he's the same person he's always been, and nothing will change him into something he doesn't want to be if he doesn't let it. He's going to be a little wrapped up in himself during the process, though, and because of that seem a little withdrawn from Dean and being supportive of him. It's a very real behaviour, which is another thing I like about this show, the reality of the emotional responses.
Heh, anyway, yeah, we'll get that Sam back again, but it's gonna be bumpy for a while, I think.
Here, it's Tim Horton's coffee. It's my favourite. I swear they put crack in it or something.
Bwah!! Are you in Canada too? I live a block away from a Timmie's and get a coffee there on my way to work nearly every day, as I will today (in about ten minutes)! Everyone in my office drinks so much Tim Horton's coffee we keep joking that they need to run a pipeline to the building. They totally put crack in it! :-)
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Thanks for the thoughts. I really appreciate it. :) The response on the boards was encouraging too - good discussion, and a couple offers to join me in my mourning. I'm feeling much better about the whole thing. (Enough to have posted today in the Metallicar forum, actually. Oooo, this posting thing is going to be a slippery slope, I can see it coming...)
I am indeed a fellow Canadian! That's awesome! *high fives* And now, of course, I'm just dying to know where. ;) Don't worry, you don't have to tell me - I assume if you wanted it posted on the web, you would have put it in your user profile. I'm (currently) a Toronto girl myself. (Hey, big city - really, how much detail am I giving away?)
*shyly* Do you mind if I friend you? Out of the numerous good online comment-versations I've been having with people this weekend, I've kind of enjoyed this one the most.
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Four hours by car (and ferry) away from Vancouver. I'm not hiding my general location, per se, I'm just not announcing it openly to the world, although a post I did this fall regarding a local legend quite effectively gives away my general location.
*shyly* Do you mind if I friend you? Out of the numerous good online comment-versations I've been having with people this weekend, I've kind of enjoyed this one the most.
Aw, shucks. Sure you can friend me! :-)
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And the author's notes were worth their weight in gold, too.
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He was slightly pained by Dean's tone, which implied John making breakfast was a close kin to John dancing the lead in Swan Lake, but it was only natural, really.
I love this line!
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Thanks for posting the links to all these stories at The Backroads... I LOVE them all. (I even have a good guess as to how jam got on the ceiling!)
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I'm glad the comm is there. I mean, I don't think John was perfect, but I don't think he was an unrelenting monster, just a guy trapped in a horrific situation, trying to fight his own solitary secret war while raising two boys, and making the usual human mistakes all parents do sometimes.
This is also why the comic series for the show absolutely infuriates me, because not only do they gut John's character and mess up canon five ways from Sunday, they take the core of that dynamic of John and the boys alone against the dark and waste it. So far anyway. I've read up to 4 and am in a glaring contest with issues 5 and 6. Grr.
Heh, sorry, babbling. Hi! *blush*
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Yep, flawed heroes are the best.
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I've only seen issue one of the comics... the interior art? OMG a blind chicken with ADHD and high on PCP *contemplates aforesaid chicken...shudders* would do better than that! FUGLY man...very, very fugly! Though the cover art is more pleasing.
If John was perfect, would we love him this much *holds hands WAY apart*? 'Perfection' is, like 'Normal', HIGHLY overrated. ;D
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Anyway, I've read this particular one of yours so many freakin' times, I can very nearly recite verbatim. And this:
If it was a weapon, he'd have had it figured out in five minutes, tops. John pondered the idea. Would approaching the toaster as though it was a weapon help? Maybe the bread was the wrong calibre. Maybe the toaster had a switch to take it off full auto. John picked up the toaster, looked at the bottom. No switches of any kind, except the crumb tray release. Not going there again.
Is my all-time favorite paragraph in either of my fandoms. I can so sympathize with the crumb tray release - when I was twelve, I accidentally opened it on the toaster (I think it had been a wedding present for my folks, so it would have been going on twenty) we had. I don't think it had ever been cleaned out - I ended up practically breaded. Those things can be vicious when they're so inclined.
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Awww, thank you!
I ended up practically breaded. Those things can be vicious when they're so inclined.
Hee! Yes they can indeed.
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I hope you don't mind a random drive-by comment! I stumbled across your stuff and have been poking around your wee!chester fics - they're the PERFECT pallate cleanser for all the gut-wrenching angst I've been reading lately. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for the twisted heartstrings - that's pretty much what this fandom is about, right? - but I just wanted to let you know that whenever I need a smile, I come read your fics. C:
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I don't think anyone, anywhere, ever would mind a comment like this one. Thank you! You made my day!
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Maybe the bread was the wrong calibre. Maybe the toaster had a switch to take it off full auto.
I love how John tries to reason it through!
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Well, you can always repost them in the community but I guess that will be a lot of works. Anyway, I have not rec-ced this fic, I would do it when I have time.
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Oh, poor John. I sympathise - my toaster HAS buttons and the finickity little bitch is still almost impossible to operate... ;-)
So cute. And slightly sad - but I do like that John is trying! His thought processes seem spot on :D
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I'm still laughing at poor John. Yeah, those auto ones are odd, but they're not *that* hard to figure out! At least now we know Sam wasn't exaggerating! It truly is a wonder that John can work a cell phone (when it suits him to do so.) They're *much* harder to figure out than a toaster! goes off giggling again...
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Definitely one for the mems.:-)
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