caffienekitty (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
caffienekitty) wrote2009-09-26 02:30 pm
caffienekitty) wrote2009-09-26 02:30 pm
Entry tags:
That thing that got Kripke'd
What the hell, here it is anyway, in unfinished state. I wrote this last Wednesday, but I'd been holding off on posting because I wanted to make it into fic and not straight dialog because that gets really confusing with more than two voices. But then 5.03 happened and rather than wadding this up and pitching it, I decided to post it anyway. Color-coded in an attempt to make it easier to tell who's saying what.
SPOILERS up to 5.02. Inferential spoilers for 5.03, since that Kripke'd it. Gen, PG-13, uses 'font' tags, Conversation-style, blah blah blah.
An Angel Walks into a Bar. (aka that thing that got Kripke'd)
Voices: Dean, Castiel, Bartender (oc), Lori (oc), Mindi (oc).
"Okay, this is not gonna work."
"What?"
"I can't sleep if you're gonna sit there staring at me. Don't you sleep?"
"I don't need to sleep."
"Fine then. Go for an eight-hour flutter or whatever it is you do when you aren't here, come back in the morning. Around noon."
"I can't. I'm hunted. If I go out alone they might find us both."
"I know, I know. Can you... I dunno, fake sleep? "
"Fake sleep?"
"Go lay in the other bed and stare at a wall or something?"
"How would this be of help?"
"It'd stop you staring at me and I could sleep."
"You would not sleep anyway. You have not slept more than three hours in the past two nights."
"I have so."
"No. You have lain there awake, and been compensating with coffee. You have not slept since Sam-"
"You know what, screw this, I'm not tired anyway. "
"Perhaps we could continue to search for God?"
"Yeah, sure. I know just the place to start."
-
"I don't think this plan is wise, Dean."
"Wisdom is relative. There are way more foolish plans than this."
"You truly think we will find God on this 'pub crawl'?"
"No stone unturned, Cas. It's the only way."
-
"Would it kill you to smile, Cas?"
"I do not believe so, but I fail to see the purpose in it."
"The purpose would be not to make people nervous. Between the dead-eyed stare and the trenchcoat you look like you're gonna whip out an uzi and start mowing down crowds."
"An oozy what?"
"What?"
"There is nothing that oozes in my trenchcoat, so I don't have anything 'oozy' to pull out."
"...Was that a joke?"
"Was what a joke?"
"Never mind. Just smile. "
"'Ike zhish?"
"God, no. No, no, not like that. You look like a frigging cartoon shark. Try less teeth more twinkle."
"I do not 'twinkle'."
"I mean- just smile. With your whole face. Think of something happy."
"How can I think of happy things when Lucifer has risen and ArmagedMphf-"
"Cool it on the end of the world, okay? People will think you're wasted and you'll get us cut off."
"Cut off? "
"From drinking. "
"I fail to see what purpose drinking alcoholic beverages serves in finding God."
"It can't hurt."
"Alcohol is a poison, created when fruit rots. How can a poison not hurt?"
"Just... go get us a couple beers from the bartender. Here's a ten. And don't talk about Armageddon."
-
"How you doin' tonight?"
"The Apocalypse is upon us and we are searching for God."
"I hear ya, man, I hear ya. What can I get ya?"
"I am told that two beers will assist us in our quest."
"Always a good place to start a quest. There you go, that'll be eight bucks."
-
"So what's wrong with your friend?"
"Cas? He's from, uh. Havana. "
"Havana?"
"Ohio. Population of about twelve, none of them have ever seen electricity."
"Wow. He's kinda cute."
"Hey, I've been to Havana, Ohio."
"...Really?"
"It's not that small and they've got electricity."
"He's Amish, okay?"
"Oh, okay. What's an Amish guy doing in a bar?"
"Reformed Amish. Alcohol is in the Bible so it's cool."
"Oh. I thought Amish people didn't wear trenchcoats."
"Like I said, Reformed Amish. Cas, come 'ere. I'd like you to meet Lori and Mindi."
"Ah, yes. 'And ye shall find God even among harlots.'"
"What!? No! Wait! Ladies! He didn't mean... Great. Cas, you are the ultimate in buzz-kill, you know that, right?"
"I do not understand."
"Of course you don't. Come on, next bar's calling."
"I don't hear-"
"Just come on."
- - -
(that's all there's going to be for this, and it wasn't going to go much farther than that anyway *shrug* but see what I mean?)
SPOILERS up to 5.02. Inferential spoilers for 5.03, since that Kripke'd it. Gen, PG-13, uses 'font' tags, Conversation-style, blah blah blah.
An Angel Walks into a Bar. (aka that thing that got Kripke'd)
Voices: Dean, Castiel, Bartender (oc), Lori (oc), Mindi (oc).
"Okay, this is not gonna work."
"What?"
"I can't sleep if you're gonna sit there staring at me. Don't you sleep?"
"I don't need to sleep."
"Fine then. Go for an eight-hour flutter or whatever it is you do when you aren't here, come back in the morning. Around noon."
"I can't. I'm hunted. If I go out alone they might find us both."
"I know, I know. Can you... I dunno, fake sleep? "
"Fake sleep?"
"Go lay in the other bed and stare at a wall or something?"
"How would this be of help?"
"It'd stop you staring at me and I could sleep."
"You would not sleep anyway. You have not slept more than three hours in the past two nights."
"I have so."
"No. You have lain there awake, and been compensating with coffee. You have not slept since Sam-"
"You know what, screw this, I'm not tired anyway. "
"Perhaps we could continue to search for God?"
"Yeah, sure. I know just the place to start."
-
"I don't think this plan is wise, Dean."
"Wisdom is relative. There are way more foolish plans than this."
"You truly think we will find God on this 'pub crawl'?"
"No stone unturned, Cas. It's the only way."
-
"Would it kill you to smile, Cas?"
"I do not believe so, but I fail to see the purpose in it."
"The purpose would be not to make people nervous. Between the dead-eyed stare and the trenchcoat you look like you're gonna whip out an uzi and start mowing down crowds."
"An oozy what?"
"What?"
"There is nothing that oozes in my trenchcoat, so I don't have anything 'oozy' to pull out."
"...Was that a joke?"
"Was what a joke?"
"Never mind. Just smile. "
"'Ike zhish?"
"God, no. No, no, not like that. You look like a frigging cartoon shark. Try less teeth more twinkle."
"I do not 'twinkle'."
"I mean- just smile. With your whole face. Think of something happy."
"How can I think of happy things when Lucifer has risen and ArmagedMphf-"
"Cool it on the end of the world, okay? People will think you're wasted and you'll get us cut off."
"Cut off? "
"From drinking. "
"I fail to see what purpose drinking alcoholic beverages serves in finding God."
"It can't hurt."
"Alcohol is a poison, created when fruit rots. How can a poison not hurt?"
"Just... go get us a couple beers from the bartender. Here's a ten. And don't talk about Armageddon."
-
"How you doin' tonight?"
"The Apocalypse is upon us and we are searching for God."
"I hear ya, man, I hear ya. What can I get ya?"
"I am told that two beers will assist us in our quest."
"Always a good place to start a quest. There you go, that'll be eight bucks."
-
"So what's wrong with your friend?"
"Cas? He's from, uh. Havana. "
"Havana?"
"Ohio. Population of about twelve, none of them have ever seen electricity."
"Wow. He's kinda cute."
"Hey, I've been to Havana, Ohio."
"...Really?"
"It's not that small and they've got electricity."
"He's Amish, okay?"
"Oh, okay. What's an Amish guy doing in a bar?"
"Reformed Amish. Alcohol is in the Bible so it's cool."
"Oh. I thought Amish people didn't wear trenchcoats."
"Like I said, Reformed Amish. Cas, come 'ere. I'd like you to meet Lori and Mindi."
"Ah, yes. 'And ye shall find God even among harlots.'"
"What!? No! Wait! Ladies! He didn't mean... Great. Cas, you are the ultimate in buzz-kill, you know that, right?"
"I do not understand."
"Of course you don't. Come on, next bar's calling."
"I don't hear-"
"Just come on."
- - -
(that's all there's going to be for this, and it wasn't going to go much farther than that anyway *shrug* but see what I mean?)
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None of which makes those scenes any easier to watch without facepalming, but whatever.
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I apparently under-estimated canon!Dean's capacity for sleaze in his own self-defense. :-P
*grins at the bible-quoting* Ha!
Heh, that's actually not a Bible quote. I searched for an appropriate one but had no luck, so I made one up.
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"How you doin' tonight?"
"The Apocalypse is upon us and we are searching for God."
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(I also hope you're feeing better. Depression is no fun. :()
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It's not that he's trying, really, he just does.
(I also hope you're feeing better. Depression is no fun. :()
No it definitely isn't. :-/