Random original poem

[caffienekitty]

The storm comes up
beside me,
nestles in,
a comfortable friend.

Wind breathes through,
seeking surreptitious crevices.
Trees bend and wheels
hush along rain-slick roads.

A moment of peace.

Comments

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

Nice.

[caffienekitty]

Thanks

[sxymami0909.livejournal.com]

I really like this. It was beautifully written. I particularly liked these lines:

"Wind breathes through,
seeking surreptitious crevices."

[caffienekitty]

Thank you! :-)

[ciaranbochna.livejournal.com]

I can hear the moan and hiss of wind in the "s" words you chose--great touch:)

[caffienekitty]

Thanks. I don't get ambushed by poetry very often (or at least poetry I'm comfy with the world seeing) so I figured I should post it.

[teithiwr.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is well nice! I like the bareness of it, if you get what I mean? And in that vein, a wee bit of concrit: I'd lose the last line. I think the feeling comes across very well otherwise too, and the final line just underlines it a bit too much for my taste, you know?

[caffienekitty]

Yeah, I wasn't too thrilled with the last line myself, but at the time my brain needed beaten with a brickbat saying "You. Are. Having. A. Moment. Of. Freaking. PEACE!!!" So that's why it stayed in. It wouldn't have otherwise. XD

[dendritejungle.livejournal.com]

Mmmm. Lovely.

[caffienekitty]

Thank you :-)