Sherlock Fanfic: Spiral

[caffienekitty]

Title: Spiral
Fandom: Sherlock BBC
Rating/Warning:Gen, PG13. Spoilers for the end of Series 2, which airs in some form or other on PBS this Sunday.
Word Count: 221B
Disclaimer: I do not own this world or these characters.

Summary: Missing scene for near the end of 2.03, John angst.
A/N: Just something quick and grim to go with this screencap. Part writing exercise, part therapy. Stream of conciousness. [LJ-only]


Spiral
by CaffieneKitty


The clock ticks, and he can't decide if he wants to stop it.

He wants eggs and toast, wants to break something small and controlled, not too much or he won't stop breaking.

He's not hungry. He doesn't want to see anything else break.

He wants to scream but that would mean he was actually here, making noise, and all of this was real. He doesn't want to eat. He doesn't want to want, he doesn't want to be. He sees, over and over and he can't make it stop, can't make it rewind, changing down to up. Time goes one way, tick of the clock and the moment's passed. No going back.

What should I have said? What did I not say that made him-? What did I say that made him-?

The clock ticks, loud in the unfamiliar lack of loud. His bare feet rest on the carpet, lost scraps of something shattered digging into his soles.

Why did he-? What did I-? I was right there. How did I fail him? How was I not enough?

Not enough to make him stay, stop, step backwards instead of forwards, time unwinding, reversing.

Time goes one way. Forwards. A black fluttering, down, down, done.

What should I have done? What could I have done?

The clock ticks, time progressing for the world, leaving John behind.

- - -
(that's all)

Comments

[embroiderama]

Oh John. This makes me want to hug him a lot.

[caffienekitty]

John Watson needs hugs.

[ciaranbochna.livejournal.com]

...so much, yes. Breathing.

I also grinned like a fool that you posted.

[caffienekitty]

*hugs*

[ciaranbochna.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

[shadowfireflame.livejournal.com]

Oh, John. *hugs him*

I really like all of this, the way you capture his grief, but this line especially:

What should I have said? What did I not say that made him-? What did I say that made him-?

In light of the fact that John has been led to believe that his best friend just committed suicide, and John seeing this as partially his fault, something he could conceivably have prevented? Oh, man. That really breaks my heart. Very well done.

[caffienekitty]

Thank you. I think it's something John would have really struggled with in his grieving process.

[earlgreytea68.livejournal.com]

Oh, my goodness, this was beautiful and utterly heartbreaking.

"He wants eggs and toast, wants to break something small and controlled, not too much or he won't stop breaking."

Loved this line.

[caffienekitty]

Thank you.

[fawsley.livejournal.com]

Wonderful evocation of exactly how time behaves so badly when it's running away from an event, and all the pain and confusion that can come from that. Very simple but very very effective. Excellent stuff - thank you!

[caffienekitty]

Thank you!

[arianedevere.livejournal.com]

His bare feet rest on the carpet, lost scraps of something shattered digging into his soles.

This line broke my heart. Brilliantly written.

[caffienekitty]

I was worried about that line in particular, so I'm very glad it worked.

[nyxviola.livejournal.com]

Very powerful, and touching. Perfect for that screencap.

[caffienekitty]

Thank you.

[malevolent73.livejournal.com]

Made me cry. :(

[caffienekitty]

Aw. *hands you tissues*